where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
