Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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