I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
