I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize