Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
