Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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