Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
