Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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