she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
