R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Swine flu. Run for my life!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
