I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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