Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We had sex on a dog bed..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
