why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
my poor anus
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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