did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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