A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
