hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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