You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
