I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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