He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
