who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So much rum. So many feels.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
