I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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