Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
