Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
