i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
