so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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