i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
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This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
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Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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