okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
