I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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