can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
