it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize