in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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