..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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