at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
