he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
