nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
