remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i love accidental penises.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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