Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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