I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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