So drunk its hurt
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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