Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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