I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
