The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
