You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
