dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
