every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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