i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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