We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
