Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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