you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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