i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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