You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
