why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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