Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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