So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
