There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
