once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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