she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Blood and glitter go together right?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
