turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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