I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
