Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
