Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
