pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
