I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
