So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
