so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
